360 days ago, i cried with all the different reasons than i do today. I cried of happiness, security, assurance but mostly, i cried cause i was blessed with you.
360 days ago was one of those days that i will never forget with you for you gave me this feeling that i’hv never felt before.
360 days ago was the day i feel alive again. The day was still fresh in my mind. I even remember what we wore and how you look when you sat there in your driver sit when i came, that handsome face that put a smile on my face.
I thought it was another movie/dinner date that we always had. Little did i know, you had something else planned. It gives me a tingling feeling just thinking about it.
It was our first trip to parkway after deciding for so long what to have for dinner where finally we settled for BK. Hmm.. BK. We love BK don’t we? I remembered our conversation and the passion in your eyes when you talk about work, the tingling feeling i had when you held my waist while crossing the road. After topping up the petrol i thought we’ll be heading home but you were a gentleman to ask if i had more time.
And there we were strolling along the park hand in hand and then suddenly you took me in your arms and we just stayed there while you whisper 'just enjoy the moment' in my ears.
From that moment, i gave my heart to you for keeps.
We knew the relationship wont be easy and it wasnt. We both had flawed and it got harder when we got hurt time and again.
I apologise again for what happened 5 months back. I admit i couldnt control my words when im angry or pissed that had hurt you so much. and with addition to my ego, it got worst. Im sorry. Im really sorry but i know these words comes almost meaningless to you now. You have to understand that im weak when i have all this negative feelings and i know i am to blame for not allowing myself to control it. i knew i need to get rid of it and i tried. and i managed. not all of it but i was in progress. towards the end, i think before i say anything to you. maybe you realised that too. i did. and i tell you when im hurt. i tell you when all this negative feelings come attacking me. you might not know this, but im getting there. time and again i pray i wont be the girl that hurt anyone with my words.
and I never meant to hurt you. and i wish i could do anything to take it all back. but its impossible. i take this as a lesson. a painful lesson and im learning so much from it.
i learnt alot about you. i learnt what hurts you. i learnt about your life. i learnt about things that makes you happy. i learnt about what you really want, your hopes, your dreams. i learnt that beneath that strong apperance lies a beautiful soul and i regret every moment i let you down.
i grew from all of this. maybe you did the right thing to me, for me to realise everything. it hurts so much but its the right thing for me to learn from.
but despite everything of this matter, we have moments. beautiful happy moments even in the littlest of things we did. beautiful happy moments in our conversations. beautiful happy moments just wrapped in each other's arms.
and i know one thing we had alot of. we had alot of love to give. so much of it just for the two of us.
there's just so many things that reminds me of us. the one that stands out was the accident at eunos exit. the feelings that follows was so pure, so true.
i love you, i really do. its something no one else could give. its no denying that it'll always stays with me. and i miss you so much, everything about you.
you may or may not read this. but i'll take the risk cause i just need you to know and i couldnt do it in msges or in a call cause i dont wanna invade your space. i appreciate everything you had done for me. things you did that you gave no one else, the patience and all the things you did to try make me the happiest girl. or the things you say to make my day, to make me feel better. the way you shower your love on me and pampering me. i appreciate all of it. we made it through in my opinion, we really did. towards the end there were alot of changes coming from the both of us. but it was the slightest thing that brought us tumbling down.
im a little lost without you right now but i know maybe thats the way it has to be done for me to see and to learn from. and if ever i get to keep your heart again, i'll be more of what i should be, not what i'hv been. i dont wanna make the same mistakes i made, i dont wanna fall back on my face again.
and it comes down to one thing, time is precious. and i dont wanna waste another moment in saying things i never meant to say.
my favourite picture
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BATMAN LOVE.
you're my hero.
