paperloveee.

FOOLED.

2009-08-17T15:46:00.000-07:00

I MIGHT BE CLOSING THIS GOD DAMN SPACE FOR GOOD.

I MISS... I MISS A WHOLE LIST OF THINGS.

2009-07-31T23:19:00.000-07:00

im just a little bit caught in the middle,
life is a maze and love is a riddle.

yup, not been having good days or rather week but im going through it with lots of patience... and strength.
my flu, sore throat and cough arent going anyway i suppose. annoyinggggggg. and its not fun having this up and down temperature as well. hmps.
i have work tmr and there are chances that they will send me back. i doubt they want me to cough in front of customers though i will be glad to do so to those with annoying questions like 'is it in singapore money or US?' or 'how much is this?' like the price tag there is just for decoration and they're confuse which country they're in.
or maybe i'll have to wear a mask but i hate masks cause it suffocating and i think it will reflect badly of the airport.... so we'll see.

anyways, too much happenings and its pretty scary cause there arent much safe spots, are there?
the world is very much a dangerous place.
and being an intensive thinker, i had all this mixed feelings since the time i broke my fast. it had prolly diffuse im my blood stream and will only be out of my system tmr... or God knows when.
they always say go with the flow.. but what flow is there? what if there is a huge tidalwave up front? or a tsunami? tsk. then happily sink in when you know it could have been prevented? talk bout ignorance.
-________-
oh wells. like lenka always say life is a maze and love is a riddle.

i think im opening wordpress sooner or later if blogger insists on being a bitch.

DEAR GOD,

2009-07-30T17:45:00.000-07:00

Insyallah, she'll be fine ):

YOU & I BOTH LOVED, WHAT YOU & I SPOKE OFF.

2009-07-25T13:19:00.000-07:00

360 days ago, i cried with all the different reasons than i do today. I cried of happiness, security, assurance but mostly, i cried cause i was blessed with you.

360 days ago was one of those days that i will never forget with you for you gave me this feeling that i’hv never felt before.

360 days ago was the day i feel alive again. The day was still fresh in my mind. I even remember what we wore and how you look when you sat there in your driver sit when i came, that handsome face that put a smile on my face.

I thought it was another movie/dinner date that we always had. Little did i know, you had something else planned. It gives me a tingling feeling just thinking about it.

It was our first trip to parkway after deciding for so long what to have for dinner where finally we settled for BK. Hmm.. BK. We love BK don’t we? I remembered our conversation and the passion in your eyes when you talk about work, the tingling feeling i had when you held my waist while crossing the road. After topping up the petrol i thought we’ll be heading home but you were a gentleman to ask if i had more time.

And there we were strolling along the park hand in hand and then suddenly you took me in your arms and we just stayed there while you whisper 'just enjoy the moment' in my ears.
From that moment, i gave my heart to you for keeps.

We knew the relationship wont be easy and it wasnt. We both had flawed and it got harder when we got hurt time and again.

I apologise again for what happened 5 months back. I admit i couldnt control my words when im angry or pissed that had hurt you so much. and with addition to my ego, it got worst. Im sorry. Im really sorry but i know these words comes almost meaningless to you now. You have to understand that im weak when i have all this negative feelings and i know i am to blame for not allowing myself to control it. i knew i need to get rid of it and i tried. and i managed. not all of it but i was in progress. towards the end, i think before i say anything to you. maybe you realised that too. i did. and i tell you when im hurt. i tell you when all this negative feelings come attacking me. you might not know this, but im getting there. time and again i pray i wont be the girl that hurt anyone with my words.

and I never meant to hurt you. and i wish i could do anything to take it all back. but its impossible. i take this as a lesson. a painful lesson and im learning so much from it.
i learnt alot about you. i learnt what hurts you. i learnt about your life. i learnt about things that makes you happy. i learnt about what you really want, your hopes, your dreams. i learnt that beneath that strong apperance lies a beautiful soul and i regret every moment i let you down.

i grew from all of this. maybe you did the right thing to me, for me to realise everything. it hurts so much but its the right thing for me to learn from.

but despite everything of this matter, we have moments. beautiful happy moments even in the littlest of things we did. beautiful happy moments in our conversations. beautiful happy moments just wrapped in each other's arms.

and i know one thing we had alot of. we had alot of love to give. so much of it just for the two of us.

there's just so many things that reminds me of us. the one that stands out was the accident at eunos exit. the feelings that follows was so pure, so true.

i love you, i really do. its something no one else could give. its no denying that it'll always stays with me. and i miss you so much, everything about you.

you may or may not read this. but i'll take the risk cause i just need you to know and i couldnt do it in msges or in a call cause i dont wanna invade your space. i appreciate everything you had done for me. things you did that you gave no one else, the patience and all the things you did to try make me the happiest girl. or the things you say to make my day, to make me feel better. the way you shower your love on me and pampering me. i appreciate all of it. we made it through in my opinion, we really did. towards the end there were alot of changes coming from the both of us. but it was the slightest thing that brought us tumbling down.

im a little lost without you right now but i know maybe thats the way it has to be done for me to see and to learn from. and if ever i get to keep your heart again, i'll be more of what i should be, not what i'hv been. i dont wanna make the same mistakes i made, i dont wanna fall back on my face again.

and it comes down to one thing, time is precious. and i dont wanna waste another moment in saying things i never meant to say.

my favourite picture

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BATMAN LOVE.
you're my hero.

WHAT WILL BECOME OF ME?

2009-07-14T13:47:00.000-07:00

i wasted all my energy for tears and now i have none left for anything else

EVERYBODY KNOWS BUT NODOBY REALLY KNOWS.

2009-07-13T23:36:00.000-07:00

they're still ringing in my ears, no matter how much i tried to make it stop.
its just so unfair.
and its most unlikely of you to say things like that, let alone question me.
i cant help wonder what has become of you?

i'hv never come between your profession or your friends cause i understand this cold, hard world works that way. we all need our friends as much as you do even though i pretty much know how much negativity they have of me.

and i would appreciate if its the same for me. why was i made to choose? she always had faith in you, talking senses to me for you. she believes in you and she had so much trust for you while i was hanging lose, losing grip of things. she was there saying wonderful things about you while i was about to hit the ground.
she had all this positive things bout you and this is what you feel she deserves after the long run?
i would never question you like that even when i am seen with such negativity, such impression, such hostility.

but i dont blame them. we're all humans. we make impression on stories we hear, things we see and words we read. but unfortunately, those are the things found only from the surface.

i know you kept saying 'why bother what people think of you?'
how could i not? sometimes, ignorant is not that bliss. it hurt people.

so here i am feeling all... alone and unappreciated.
disappointed, sad, shocked, insecurities creeping back to me, maybe a bit of anger from all this unfairness. and down.
pretty much down thats its affecting my health.

and its about to get worst as i struggle to type in this cold when it gets harder to sleep.

'EH SAPE NIE?' ASKED NIZA. HAHAHAHAHA.

2009-07-10T00:09:00.000-07:00

last sunday was pretty much fun. just relaxing by the beach along with good music and awesome companies. minus the fact that it started drizzling every now and then, causing us to pack and shift under the shade and pack and shift again to the beach and vice versa for like ermm 3times? hahaha. it was really funny! until the sudden downpour that made us spend our time just sitting by the ladies -_______-

school is getting very very annoying and im getting sick and tired of it. controlling our meal time, control our eating places, whats next? controlling our where abouts too? sickeningggggggggg. thank god its my final year. so during graduation, im gonna bring a dozen rotten eggs, a few tomatoes and perhaps onions, hugeee onions for you-know-who. hahahahahaha you get the idea.

OH BTW TODAY NIZA MADE THE JOKE OF THE YEAR!!! HAHAHAHHAHA OMG . IF ONLY WE RECORDED THAT. I'LL STILL BE LAUGHING TO IT WHEN IM 63! HAHAHAHAHA.

SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS.

2009-07-08T11:06:00.000-07:00

my laptop died on meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ):
so now im on sri's lappy looking at her pictures. HAHAHAHAHHAA.

i din watch MJ's memorial too ):
i woke up at 145 thinking why the hell am i up and went back to sleep.
i is kental i know bye.

UTs tmr and friday and this laptop must die on me today! tsk tsk
dadddd, me need new lapppyyyyyyy. pls pls pls.
that wont happen. so i must start saving. hmpz.

THESE DAYS.

2009-07-04T23:33:00.000-07:00

hmm.. very annoying. i cant upload pictures.

anywaysss, filzah's wedding was omg fantasticcccccccc!! the food served was continental and you have garlic bread all the way to sushi. and me, known as a pig, was all excited and end up with an empty plate circling the tables, cause we all know how fickle i am. hahahahaha. but by round 2, i was so full and there was still so many food to eat! hmpzz.

yesterday was a friday but the night was filled with schoolwork, work loads, report writing and stupid wireless connections for naddy & me.
while someone had chilli crab and cinnamon melts for dessert right, nurul faradella? heh.
we continue like this, best friend, and we'll die early.
so moral of the story, ask an IT savvy first before we all act smart about laptops.
muahahahhaa.

and maybe the wedding was somehow like a reward in disguise. heh heh.
and its nice to see nurul & kamalina after so longggggggg. :D:D:D

ANNOYED.

2009-07-02T07:58:00.001-07:00

wow. im veryvery pissed. i wrote a wholeeeee chunk for what seem like such a long time since i wrote that much here. and its all gone. syabas.

grrr.. very angry!

the whole point of that chunk was me thinking too much about human's negative attitude, how i pretty much hate school now and dreams. i had been having dreams back-to-back every night and some seemed so real, i'll wake up feeling tired cause it felt like i din sleep at all.

hmm.. im still thinking. this involuntery system wont stop until my brain rest for the day! shit.

WEDNESDAY OHHH WEDNESDAYY.

2009-07-01T00:34:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is wednesday. and wednesday meansssssssss no schooooooool!! hehehehe.
i miss those 'im free every wednesday!' days, and then kacau finaz at msn cause member kat skola what. hahaha.
so i have to enjoy it while it last. which also means before fyp part 2 starts.
sighs just saying fyp makes me -__________-
and then starts all the time-comsuming, long winded, patience testing, troublesome, tiring, brain-cracking, boring experiments and report. omg another REPORT!
and report means late nights or sometimes no sleeping at all.

blablabla.. i can worry bout all of that when the time comes. so for now, i'll enjoy my wednesdays sleeping and lazing around. fuhhh finally...

and omg its july already. damn fast.

NO PRETENCE

2009-06-29T16:17:00.000-07:00

im not acting as if im alright, am i?
do you see happy thoughts around here?

i was just concerned.

and its nice to know you're doing good.

EMOTIONAL RIDE

2009-06-27T01:26:00.000-07:00

it is not easy. it is definitely not easy.
retail therapy with best friends couldnt help either when in the end i bought nothing cause nothing caught my eyes and nothing look nice on me.
mel dont spend is like seeing a full moon tmr.
nothing excites me anymore.

and as if i dont have enough to think about, i have to worry about my health because there are already 25 cases in rp and for God sake, why the hell are we still needed to go to school? the whole damn place is air conditioned! some of these students are damn blardy ignorant. they knew they had this stupid swine virus, some were in contact with affected people and one had an affected room mate. ROOM MATE! and yet WHY THE HELL DID THEY HAVE TO COME TO SCHOOL??!
swines.

i will have to force myself to sleep today before my eyeballs start drooping.
perhaps i should go running tmr and feel the burn on every joint, feel the ache on every muscle and release the inner soul thats screaming inside.

wish you're here ):

SAY (ALL I NEED)

2009-06-25T23:59:00.000-07:00

nobody said it was easy.
my words got tangled up and the bright lights had turned to night.
and with this silence, it brings a moral of the story.
until the dawn, i pray and continue praying, allowing myself to hope.

Do you know where your heart is? Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something, somewhere better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is? Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but nothing's turned out how you wanted.
All I need is the air I breathe. And a place to rest my head.

song's on repeated mode and i cant seem to stop it ):

ps: 25th must had been a significant date.
i love you.

FOR YOU, I WILL.

2009-06-22T22:39:00.000-07:00

ok so i is kental for being absolutely crazy on friday night. and i would like to apologise to those who i had been very inconvenient to. hehehehehe sorraayyy! i am a kanchong spider and i worry too much. *peace*

H1N1 is pretty scary. 2 cases in rp already. and i hope for more. hahahaha. thats only because i.am.so.tired.of.school.
sheeesh seriously. though im happy that im doing pretty well. :D:D:D
errr well, for now... cause biosensor UT was hard lah! hmpz.

anyways, get well soon love.
me no like that you're so moody ):

UPDATE ME LAH PLEASE. OH GOD!

2009-06-19T23:54:00.000-07:00

SHIT.SHIT.SHIT.
I CAN DIE OF PARANOIA, MENTAL DISORDER OR ANYTHING THATS CLOSE TO IT.
CAUSE THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!
OMG SHIT. I NEED TO HEAR SOMETHING, ANYTHING!!!!!
OH GOD.

you made me smile today(:

2009-06-19T13:05:00.000-07:00

my eye is hurting and its affecting my dayyyyyyyyyyyyy.
another tembel in another eye and it even hurt to blink ):

i am so hungry cause its nearly 1pm and and i havent eaten lahhh. stupid lab processing.
so damn leceh.

wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh daaaaaaaammmmmnnnnn hungggggggryyyyyyyyyyyyy laaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ):
veryvery annoyed already.

IM STARTING TO FEEL I DONT KNOW MYSELF ANYMORE.

2009-06-13T19:19:00.000-07:00

my kota kinabalu trip wasnt much of a fun trip until towards the end of it, the last 2 days maybe? somehow, it was an experience though. mount kinabalu was the most beautiful thing you can ever see. but its like a different world in that city, a whole different whole. no wonder my cousins migrate to KL. its the total opposite of what you get in Singapore oh glorious Singapore.
hahahahahaha -________-

as if the trip wasnt enough, i came back with much stress and disappoinments. right there at the airport. sighs.
im still working on my lab report which was supposedly due yesterday. yup, doesnt make sense to get it done in a day. i tried though, spending the whole night on it. i only managed a few winks before i had to go to school again and to wake up to many more disappointments the same day.
life suck like that.

but at least i get a glimpse of my very busy boyfriend and spent a few hours with the best friend. but then again, there's much to do, words to say, things to hear and decisions to make.

ahh shit my room's in a complete mess, i cant even see my bed.
fuuhh giler babi niee.

HAVE A LITTLE FAITH IN ME.

2009-06-06T20:19:00.000-07:00

i indulge myself with a new baby for more reasons to camwhore!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA though im not much of that these days.
but maybe to capture THE moment?
you never know when it comes by right? heh.

so im going to be a jakon on my virgin trip to kota kinabalu tomorrow and snap everything!
but then again, it might just be my sister doing all of it.
I JUST WANNA RESTTTTTTTTTT AND SLEEEEEEEP AND ENJOY GOOOOD FOOOD for the 5 days i'll be there.

and then when i come back, the stress begins again.
urrgh me no like school!!!!

on a bright side, im coming back to be a better person because i am determine to be one.
yes, i said that with every bit of confidence i have. hitler style.

heh heh. k bye me so tired.

give me time, i'll prove it.

2009-06-04T22:38:00.000-07:00

all my agony fades away, when you hold me in your embrace.

and thats when i realise there's where i want to be, where i belong.
and im going to work to keep that forever.

to keep your heart, to make you happy and steal your pain away.
if possible, forever.

im sorry, best friend.

2009-06-03T22:37:00.000-07:00

miss you.
call me back?

2009-06-02T11:55:00.000-07:00

i was just about to update a little and then i got this sudden huge urge to play games.
soooooooooo ermmm bye! hahahahaha.

i'll be back(terminator style)

GIVE ME SOMETHING I CAN BELIEVE

2009-05-30T18:42:00.000-07:00

put this heart at ease.
hope this heart will heal.

WE WANT IT ALL, WITH NO SACRIFICE.

2009-05-26T22:37:00.000-07:00

As i fast today, i managed to be me again. not in the sense that i'hv been a different person but in a context where i lose bits and pieces of me along this roller coaster ride of life.
the motive was to control my emotions, feelings, anger, pain etc etc. and above all that, to regain my patience, perseverance and determination of a person i am. the most important was to gain back the whole lot of patience that went away in an instant yesterday.
gladly, i did. not the whole lot but a little bit.
that little bit that saves me from giving up.

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed,
but I have loved you from the start.

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight when you're asleep.

Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you, over again

by solving and fixing, i hope to see a difference. i hope WE make a difference.
but then again, hope is too big a word when it does not meet with actions.

CHERRY DARLING'S (:

2009-05-17T08:36:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY NIZA!!

have a blast this year baby. haha actually takya ckp cause i know you will.
:D
sorry my weekends were jam packed but we have tmr!!
how girls? birthday bash pe? hahahahaha.

xoxo.

LIES OF SPIES.

2009-05-14T20:11:00.000-07:00

FILTHY MOUTHS AND STUPID THOUGHTS.

yup, the lies of spies.
fuck you lah. go and die pls.

PACE OF THE WORLD, I WISH I COULD STOP IT.

2009-05-11T23:16:00.000-07:00

first and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDDDDDDYYYY!!
hehehe. and so we had a feast just now, mum cooks the best of the best.
leaving us all with happy bloated tummies.
:D:D:D:D

oh wow, im so busyyyyyyyyyyy.
i always have something to do everytime and im less bored nowadays. haha. i dont even get to surf the net often, not even in school, not even between breaks cause
I ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING TO DO.
tsk tsk.. life. haha.

anyways, after 181868691273901 years, i visited the national museum again last saturday for the sake of CE points. and then i have to rush to work like nobody's business. but it was worth it lah, there was christien lactoix' gallery and his designs were beyond perfect. who's able to make paper into a big grand stage dress???? amazing.
and they also have this thing called 'your companion' where you listen to it like an mp3 all the way through the history gallery where well, it becomes your companion and of course, your personal tour guide. hahahaha cute, i tell you.

whoopeeee, ANTM now lah baby!

BACK TO REALITY.

2009-05-04T22:58:00.000-07:00

after a well-deserved trip and heavenly spa, i have to face the world of science everyday.
good thing i loooooveeeee science. think bout it, where would we be without science?
haha and thats another thing my involuntery system loves to do: think, somtimes a little too much.
one of the reasons why im so tired all the time.

anyways, its been 3 weeks of school and months & months of work but i still get..
'HUH??! YOU MALAY???? I THOUGHT YOU CHINESE LEYYYYYY!!!'
now i should or say, MUST take up mandarin. hahahaha.

BECAUSE IM CATWOMAN (!!!)

2009-04-28T23:27:00.000-07:00

hi.

i always find myself nothing to update anymore. what is there anyway, when 95.8% of my time is for school, work and sleep?
i go to school 5 days a week, 4 days for classes and a day for FYP. and then come weekends where i'll be earning money baby.

haha. im not complaining.
yes, im tiredddddddddddd, i dont have any off days and i dont get much rest at all. but hey, life this way isnt that bad anyway. i still have my social life after school/work! heh.
but it sucks that i end school as late as 7 sometimes for meetings, and the journey to the east and the crowds! OMG THE BLARDY CROWD AT WOODLANDS INTERCHANGE SUCK BIG TIME. tsk. i hate crowds.

then i find my myself gaming every night to destress. but not hardcore k. just some road rage and banging. hee *peace*

thank god for my malacca trip this labour day weekendddddddddddddddddd!! woohoo. cant wait for the spa & sauna & shopping(prolly less shopping due to fatigue. haha) & foooooood, gooooood foooooooooood.

i think im gonna gain all the weight you people claim im losing aye. heh.

EYES ON YOU, ONLY WHEN ITS NOT REALLY ON YOU.

2009-04-23T22:39:00.000-07:00

its either im too tired, too busy or too lazy to update this dusty space.
or maybe its the new readers, or rather spies that i hardly know at all.

oh wells, whats new?
its always like that when you want something you cant have.

A LITTLE MORE INSIDE.

2009-04-17T22:43:00.000-07:00

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a religion... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

- Charles R. Swindoll

MONDAY AGAIN?? TIME FLIES.

2009-04-13T18:04:00.000-07:00

i am so disconnected from the world, tired really really tired and lonely. hahaha not lonely lah. just... disconnected.
school starts exactly next week. *sulk*
im so used to waking up at 12pm and laze around or read my book till the afternoon and going out and working and watching crappy repeated dramas. hahahah i know im so kental.
but not school. even my laptop is dusty from being neglected.
oh wells, all out for that diploma aye?

and then comes another happy ending(:
its worth all the preparations we all had to go through and sleepless nights doesnt it?
i cant wait to see how the cousins photoshoot turns out to be. hahaha crazy people.

and on the brightest note, someone's coming home in 5 hrs!!
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

shiqah's day(:

2009-04-09T20:18:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY, SHIQAAAAAAAA!

omg it seems like i havent seen you for gazillion years.
sadly, i dont think i can make it on the 9th. ):
hope you're filled with smiles and love all year round.
talk to you soon alright?

ps: 4 days ):

BORING JE MAKAN. BORING JE MAKAN.

2009-04-06T18:04:00.000-07:00

the bed is almost invisible in the pic. haha.

ok, i think im going a bit crazy here. im so boreeeeeeeddddd and lazy. it must be monday blues. my hair needs a face-lift, i dont even know hair have a face. ok shuddup mel not funny. im 24hrs hungry. errmmm just for the moment(i think) cause im home and home have food. i feel fat. i feel like sleeping but i know i cant sleep in the end. i always cannot sleep. i dont know why. i think i need melatonin. oh wait, yesss ah i found something to do already, cut my nails. but after that i'll be bored again. my cats are all ignoring me cause they're sleeping. haha. i have a book to read toooo. im reading The Other Boleyn Girl and the olden days are such a mystery arent day? i still love twilight saga. its like no other books. you start, you'll hooked. and no breaks, no meals in between is also fine. no other books works that way for me. i loveeeeeeeee Breaking Dawn lah omg. haha. ok im gonna watch twilight later. but so boring, its all bout bella & edward. oh wells, every story has its start. did you watch S factor yesterday? they're all so annoying. like the world revolves round men only *rolls eyes* hahahahha. dont even ask me why i watched. out of curiousity, honestly. shit, i smell chicken and my tummy goes gggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrgggrrr. tsk tsk. boredom activates my stomach full force.

I WANT TO EAT RAMEN TEN LAHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I WAS SOOOOOO CLOSE TO THAT. SOOOOO CLOSE. BUT THEN ME BEING ME FOREVER BELOOOO SCREW IT ALL. ):

thank you for reading my crap. you must be as bored as me.

fool belardy fool.

2009-04-01T14:32:00.000-07:00

my last blogskin went chaotic. babi.
this world loveeeeeeeee to test my patience eh. hahahaha.

anyways, guess so played april fool on me & my FYP mates?
dr.valavan!!!

nurul amalina bte mohd ali woke up at 7.50am and went all the way to woodland and then to school(me & sri walked from woodlands under the heat btw) carrying a 3kg laptop and a labcoat to find there isnt any FYP meeting todayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

tsk tsk.

go on laugh at me. happy april's fool.

2009-03-26T06:39:00.000-07:00

happy brithday to me bestie, feeeee (!!)
hehehe finaz actually but mcm panjang sangat.
mel, nad, lyn & fee. wahh easier. -________-

ok thats besides the point.
my finaz is 19 already!
may God bless you in everything you do baby.
and have a blast this year(:

so we took her out and spent nearly the wholeeeeeee day.
till we were all so tired and sleepy and felt like its already midnight.

look at the girl behind. dressed like nad! hehehe -_____-

we indulged ourselves with tummy full of pastas before we head to play birthday girl's fav game.

its no wonder the girl loves bowling, she's goooooooooooood at it. and my tiny fingers aint that bad as well, you know *cheese :D

after that was another surprise and we just chilled, laughing over stupid things like we always do. heh.

i have gazillion more pictures but im too lazy already.

see you babies again tomorrow! :D
sape lambat ditinggalkan. heh heh.
im sorry finaz darling we were late but we had fashion disaster! no lies no lies!

2009-03-20T08:06:00.000-07:00

i love that tee. & i love yesterday toooooooooooo.
hee hawww heee hawwwww.

but but but i dont like today. hmmpz.
k goodnights.

ohhhh, malacca tomorrow baby! :D

2009-03-17T07:53:00.000-07:00

i cant find nettie anywhere. tsk. nvm.

anyways, i am full of energy for just one thing.
and and and my emotions like running wild already.
perhaps its mood swings, but but but i doubt so also.

tmr & tmr tmr someone's off days. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAY!

you know what i should do now to cool down?
i need to upload red jumpsuit's new album.
but i want to blogggggggggggggg.
but i cannot think lah omg!!!!

2009-03-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

just when i found all the mood to blog today, i have to end up being pissed.

like the smiles on our faces, i had my days spent really well with my best friends.
oh wells, that could summarise it all already.

2009-03-11T05:14:00.000-07:00

im now in pms-mode.
the achings and sleepless nights aren't helping as well.

yep, they rock the house alright.
so much better now with hardcore than those pop punk days.
and they look so oldddddddddddddd now.
but still nicely done.

and now i feel all shitty, might as well turn in early,
or at least try to.

2009-03-10T01:19:00.000-07:00

YOU'RE THE MOST ANNOYING, RUDE, BLOOD-BOILING, BIG-HEADED, SELF-CENTRED, CONTROLLING, NARROW-MINDED, IRRESPONSIBLE PERSON IN MY LIFE.

2 WORDS FOR YOU,
GROW UP.

THEN YOU CAN SEE WHAT THE WORLD IS LIKE. TREAT MONEY NOT LIKE WATER. SUFFER AND STRUGGLE. ONLY THAT YOU'LL KNOW YOU DO NOT GET ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING YOU WANT. ONLY THEN YOU'LL REALISE AND FEEL THE PAIN THAT THE REST OF US ARE. BECAUSE RIGHT NOW YOU ARE SO DAMN PAMPERED, YOU THINK YOU'RE RIGHT ALL THE TIME.

NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'HV DONE??!!
BECAUSE OF YOU LITTLE BUGGER, EVERYTHING'S IN A MESS!

2009-03-09T04:34:00.001-07:00

hello world. miss me much?

i wonder what you'all assumed and wonder everytime you drop by oh-deceptacon.
oh wells, im back. or maybe not.
but dont put your hopes all high here, babies.
this aint a diary, no more pouring rain & thunderstorms.

heh. finaz, dream come true?
i wouldnt be updating if its not for a disgusted tag over there.
the world is not a safe place, dont you think?

and no frets, Batman's still mine. :D:D:D

2009-02-14T20:06:00.000-08:00

I'm dying to catch my breath
Oh why don't i ever learn?
I've lost all my trust,
Though i'hv surely tried to turn it around.

I'm here on the edge again.
I wish I could let it go,
I know that I'm only one step away,
From turning it around.

Can you still see the heart of me?
All my agony fades away,
When you hold me in your embrace.

Don't tear me down,
For all i need.
Make my heart a better place.
Give me something I can believe.

Don't tear me down,
You'hv open the door now,
Don't let it close.

2009-02-13T06:14:00.000-08:00

i'hv got no one else to blame but myself.
if i could hurt myself, i would.
but i dont want to disappoint you. i dont have the courage to hurt you anymore.
i did manage to prove you wrong, didnt i?

i did manage. and thats how much you mean to me.
think about it. pls.

2009-02-12T07:24:00.000-08:00

on a brighter note, im watching Underworld tomorrow!! woohoo.
ermm, at least i think i am, most prolly.

on the brightest note, im meeting the loveeeeeeeeeeeee.
:D:D:D:D:D:D

argh ok. i cannot be too happy. im always wary when in too happy because the things that comes after that .........

2009-02-11T07:57:00.000-08:00

and so i got myself a new sony w980. its nice to have something new and sexy to bring with me everywhere the next two years.
i should be all happy right now, grinning from ear to ear to finally get a new hp. and a really nice one too.

but.. im not. im feeling down.

and most of you might think 'huh? im all emo over a fone??'

but its not just a fone to me, its whats in the fone.
my msges, my msges that i couldnt save. 7 months worth of msges.
times like this, i would read some of it and realise im not really that broken. most of the truth lies in there, between those words.
words that keeps me going, keeps me hoping, bring a smile to my face..
words that tells me why im here, the reasons behind everything..
making me feel... whole.
and its all gone. ):

and i cant go back there. feeling what i felt when i had first read the msges.
its like i cant reminisce the moments.

i cant really describe it. it hurts too much.
as funny as it may sounds, thats what im feeling.
i'hv grown to be emotionally attached to it.

i guess its like what they say huh?
you'll only realise how much something means to you once its gone.

2009-02-09T09:56:00.000-08:00

IF I COULD THROW ALL THE GLASSES I FIND AT HOME RIGHT NOW, I WOULD.
I WOULD JUST THROW IT ALL AND WATCH THEM SCATTER IN PLEASURE,
WATCH HOW IT BREAKS WITH WHATEVER STRENGTH THAT'S LEFT IN ME.

TO WATCH THAT I AM NOT ALONE, THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE HERE BREAKING AND SCATTERING.

CAUSE ALL I FEEL NOW IS SO MUCH ANGER AND PAIN.

I JUST WASTED MY TIME, ENERGY AND STRENGTH OVER NOTHING.
OK, I TAKE THAT BACK.
I JUST WASTED ALOT OF MY TIME, ENERGY AND STRENGTH.

AND RIGHT NOW, IM SO TIRED. EVEN TOO TIRED TO SLEEP.
BYE EARHTLINGS. ENJOY YOUR DAY.

2009-02-05T21:20:00.000-08:00

to whom it may concern,
im still pissed.

it bothers me more than anything else.

2009-02-03T10:56:00.000-08:00

THEY SAY:
TRUE LOVE, IT'S SUICIDE.

2009-02-02T05:40:00.000-08:00

hmm.. im still hoping you would be able to make it.
it wont be the best without the best right?

but if fate doesnt allow it, there's nothing we can do.

(:

2009-02-02T02:16:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 22ND KAK KHAIRIA (!!!)
hehehe. someone's so upset she's getting older. oh wells.
heh.

im finally back from KL. lucky i din faint from all the shopping and roundings. haha.
i had my virgin step in Pavilion and omg their f21 rocks baby! hahaha. topshop wasnt bad either but being the new mel, i din wanna spend like i used to(till i have to ask daddy for more money.haha)although it was all so tempting, so so very tempting. *cheese.
omg i just remebered la senza. urgh so tempting! ):

but then again, no shopping doesnt mean no trying. hahhahahaha. omg you should have seen aryff's face. he wanted to die right there. my sister and khairil were partly sulking, partly. but still, i dont care. in the end, it was only me & kak khairiah(:

and theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen, we ate like 1001 food! celebrated kak khairiah's bird-day too. we sat and ate and ate and ate, i dont even remember what we ate but all i know there was a 120 bucks worth of carls' jr. -______-

ate somemore at my uncle's super big mansion and ended the day at 4am. but i only slept at 7. and the next day starts at 12pm. penaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. ok not really the next day. haha.

it was to Alamandar and guess what? we ate moreeeeeeeeeee. it was sinful! we had a&w, famous amos, aunty anne's, abit of subway etc etc. hahaha i said alot lor. the trip was more of eating in my opinion. but i was having diarrhoe so i din mind eating like that. so its like makan buang makan buang makan buang. eeeuww sorry! hahhaha.
oh oh and their roxy rocks lahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! tsk tsk. im so gonna search for the shoes here.

it was 9pm and we were still there, though we planned to head home round 3? so much for it. i spent most of my time in the loo anyways. -______-

it was damn tiring. so tired, i couldnt sleep. i got home at 2am and my sister was already sulking cause she had school but in the end, she din go. so as my other cousins. hahaha da plan eh smlm kat a&w. it was so funny! and yup, it was funnnnnnnnnnnnnnn though i wasnt looking forward for it in the first place. ok *cheeeeeeeeeeeeese.

more gazillion pictures with kak khairia and i was part-time photographer with the nikon DSLR. im so getting one soon! investing baby. heh.

anyways, someone was suppose to visit her sick best friend today. but she couldnt make it because well... school sucks. jiwe tp nampak. ):

2009-01-30T22:17:00.000-08:00

suddenly, there was total darkness.. and i only came back to my senses in my father's arms.

my first ever fainting experience last night. scary, very scary.

till today, right now, in still aching, everywhere, in all the right places where it should and i cant seem to say anything else. no words seem to able to come out my mouth.
and i'll just keep it in. keep it shut. cause i know i'hv given everything i can and i will continue as much as my heart can take it.

'' Hope is a state of mind, not of the world. Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good,
When you do nothing, you feel overwhelmed and powerless. But when you get involved, you feel the sense of hope and accomplishment that comes from knowing you are working to make things better. ''
-Pauline R. Kezer

hope and faith.

how did we get here?

2009-01-27T08:35:00.000-08:00

i dont think i look thin lor. why are people making a fuss that im losing weight? i am healthy-ly eating ok. sheeesh.

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW OUTRAGEOUS IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the game as well as the person you got the note from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
candyman - christina aguilera
* mampos ape eh? hahaha.

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
bizarre love triangle - frente!
*OMG NO WAYYYYYYY. tsk.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
angel - within temptation
* (:(:(:(:

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
seventeen forever - metro station
* forever young at heart. even if im 76, im still 17. heh heh.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
contagious - avril lavigne
* kerk kerrk.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
untouched - the veronicas
*hahahahhaha i dont think so.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
love song - sara bareiles
* ooops caught @_@ <---- my boyfriend's fav expression. heh.

WHAT IS 2+2?
invincible - jesse mccartney
* haha ape je.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTFRIEND?
all that we needed - plain white t's
* awwwwww.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
in another life - the veronicas
* tsk. lagu sedih.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
take a bow - rihanna
* ok lah. mine's straight to the ending already. haha.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
live your life - rihanna
*chey back 2 back rihanna eh. yes i wanna live my life! ay ay ay ayy.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
disenchanted - my chemical romance
* kerrk kerk. why must i be disappointed eh?

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
sorrow - flyleaf * hahahahahahahahahaha. like im an emokid like that. omg kelakar!

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE AT YOUR WEDDING?
each other - katherine mcphee
*awwww.
and some times in the past almost pulled us under. but we got through all that and it made us stronger. through the good, through the bad, you just aint another. you're the best thing i have and we got each other. (wahhh sanggup eh mel type. hahahaha.)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
shake it - metro station
* OMG. YOU ALL HAPPY IM FINALLY DEAD ISSIT??!

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
we cry - the script
* -__________-

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
rooftops - lost prophets
* ok da start merepek lah nie.

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
on love, in sadness - jason mraz
* omg yes. tsk.

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
obviously - mcfly
* how will you die? obviously. ???? hahahahahaha.

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
monster - meg & dia
* being a monster? maybe.

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
blame it on bad luck - bayside
* kerk keeeeerrrrkkkkk

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
time - benny bennasi
* kan trance da keluar. haha.

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
fully alive - flyleaf
* hahahahhaha wah wanna get married je fully alive eh mel.

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
4 in the morning - gwen stefani
* -____________________-

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
disturbia - rihanna
* shit lah. weird people tend to like me. why uh? whyyyyyyyyyyyy?

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
this is how you remind me - nickelback
* that doesnt really answer the question, does it? haha.

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
angels fall first - nightwish.
* thats sad though.

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
a twist in my story - secondhand serenade.
* HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. omg im not cheating k!

i wont bother tagging. its like 1001 people had done it anyways. im like the baa baa black sheep. -_________-

anywayyyyyy, i went hiking with my family and kamalina's family yesterday and guess what we saw??

a dead biawak! its so eeeuwww but poor thing also. and its HUGE.
if it wasnt dead, i swear i'll beg my dad to send me home already. eeyerr so scary.

2009-01-22T05:58:00.000-08:00

off the record,

a whole lot, without a doubt.

2009-01-21T20:15:00.000-08:00

In a moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of your yesterday.

Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing,
And take control?

Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.

Let go of yesterday.

2009-01-19T05:26:00.000-08:00

What Twilight Character Are You?

EDWARD

You're very protective and loyal towards the ones you care about. Don't drown yourself in worry though, let loose sometimes! Keep an equal balance in life.

hmm... nice one. just the motivation i need. haha.

: in the end, it all comes down to faith.

2009-01-17T20:39:00.000-08:00

im procastinating where i should be ready for work in 15 mins.
uurgh i am so lazy and tired. and still sick. boohoooooooooo.

im still figuring out facebook and im so lost. hahaha ya i know im so kental.
nvm i can ask kakak sri to teach me on monday. hee haw hee haw(finaz style).

shit lah gtg to work. ):

2009-01-15T05:34:00.000-08:00

now im irritated with skitter, my cat. he's so gatal meow here meow there. pity my baby netty must keep running away from him. sheeeeh.

haha yes, my sakit face. i was sneezing and coughing the whole time everywhere till i got so tired then i turned to sue saying 'ishh penat mcm nak mati'. sue went 'kau jgn nak drama kat sini ehhhh' with a disgusted look. wahhhhhh marah nampak. hahahaha.

and i guess my sickness is spreading. im so sorry lah babes. i cannot skip school what. sue's developing sore throat. shida kept coughing again. and aqilah lagi best, terus demam. im sorrrrrrrrrrrry. hahaha.

but still, no flu or sore throat could stop sue from karaoke-ing in class. this girl ajak me karoake jiwang songs from youtube. hahahahahah. from fantasia bulan madu to permaisuri. hahahha. funny sia! she thought i was emo-ing alone so she wanted to bring some fun -______-

OMG TUTY JUST MSG ME WITH A LONG SAYAAAAAAANG!! hahaha rindu lah kann. k that was random. just expressing my joy. and now she's making me laugh like crazy! talking bout the times we were laughing while working at obrien's. ok more to laughing lah actually. i really really really really miss obrien's. ))):
btw, security guard tak perlu k pls. k bye.

ok so the rest of the day was more laughter with my babes. but then again, we all shouldnt laugh too much lah. so when you laugh too much, you should be wary -_______-

shida's our doraemon. hehehehehehe.

: laughter and tears.

2009-01-14T03:09:00.000-08:00

Without suffering there’s no compassion.
In love, it’s about what you give, not what you get.

- Henry Ward Beecher

i am such an egoistic person. maybe too egoistic for a girl.
and then im also sensitive. it comes out like i can hurt people, but people cannot hurt me.
now, i have to stop being an egoistic bitch and face the world.
what happened was a wake up call. a damn bloody big wake up call that fall flat on me, making me feel so small.
maybe it was me. the problem was me all along.
i have to mend myself in so many ways. and im going on a spiritual trip on my own.
or another option is to just cut my tongue and save my loved ones from the slash of pain they felt by me.

omg. i feel like a heartbreaker. ):
it might be a little too late. but i hope its not, for it is worth for.
i promise!

ps: im deeply sorry. and i'll do the best i can ok?
just a matter of time i hope.

2009-01-13T19:41:00.000-08:00

How can I decide what's right,
When you're clouding up my mind?
I can't win your losing fight,
All the time.

The truth is hiding in your eyes,
And it's hanging on your tongue.
Just boiling in my blood.

How did we get here?
I used to know you so well.
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know.

I'm screaming, "I love you so."
BUT MY THOUGHTS YOU CAN'T DECODE.

im so very tired.
goodnight.

2009-01-13T18:02:00.000-08:00

sometimes i feel that i am better off without feelings.

maybe im over-reacting. maybe i dont know how to handle situations whenever there is emotions involve. maybe im sick and everything pisses me off. maybe im hurt. maybe in between the lines i know the truth and it hurts even more. or maybe i just think way too much.

there are alot of maybe(s) but all i know is that i am angry and hurt and sick and all i wanna do now is pop 1001 pills and sleep.

2009-01-12T06:28:00.000-08:00

arent they gorgeous? i mean the swimsuits tau. haha. victoria secret rocks lah. too bad im too poor for them. or elsssssssssssse, i'd own their full collection man. from swimsuits to lingerie. heh not kidding!

but then sedih, blogger carik pasal with me. thats why the picture turn out retarded.

im not in the best of mood right now(apparently my boyfriend said im moody 80% of the time. hmm? i dont think so ley. am i?). k nvm i feel like going to bed already though its only 10.46pm. im sensing a fever coming. i dont like it! i hate having the symptoms like im having right now. my throat hurts and i talk funny cause i cant really open my mouth properly. and my nose is leaking. not flu leaking but coming to flu leaking. hahahaha. well, its not really that funny pasal its annoyingggggggggggg. and then my body's aching all over. ok habis uh fever soon. eeeeeee sighs ):

i just cant wait for my serak sexy voice to come. ok only IF it comes. haha.

BATMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN !
):

2009-01-08T06:44:00.000-08:00

hi.

ok my intention was to start updating again and i wanna post on naddy's 18th which was da basi already but takpe lor, i still wanna upload all the fun we had.

BUT VICTORIA'S SECRET IS ON NOWWWWW (!!)
how in world can i not concentrate on the pretty pretty lingeries!!! and this year they're so princess-y and goddess-like and sexy and so masqurade-ish too, omg like damn jambuuuuuu lah pls. plus their make-up are a.w.e.s.o.m.e
hahahahaha yes, my girls should know by now i have a fetish for lingerie. i think i wanna own a lingurie shop uh. walau damn sexy.

k lah i'll just update some other time. cause after this, its christina aguilera concert on her super talented album, back to basics and then its ANTM. woohoo girl power! heh heh. yalah im like what my boyfriend always say
'so girl girl'.

2009-01-05T07:27:00.001-08:00

whats left of me now??
whats left of me?

):

2009-01-02T14:13:00.000-08:00

how does 2009 change things again? i woke up on 1 january 2009 and things were still the same. and now, no one barely notice that its tearing me apart. oh wells, who cares anyway.

my new year resolution?
to disappear.

2008-12-31T20:33:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY, NADDY!!
haha finally 18. nvm can go countdown party k. heh heh.

today wasnt much actually. but i figure you wont read this till the next big surprise.
so howwwwwwwwww? this time i pass with flying colours to surprise you right? hahahaha.
too bad i cant keep my mouth shut from you, but still you din expect lor.
woah its finally done! y'all have no idea bout all the rush and planning and changing and re-plan to fit the girl's tight schdule. wahahaha.

but it was all worth it lah. heh(:
may you're blessed with happiness and wealth alright? but then again, life is life. you cant run away from all the disappointments and pain. but hey, you got me! *cheese*

so here's a sneak peek to the botanical gardens surprise party. i'd update more when i get hold of all the pictures from errr.... well, from a stranger. really! (psst, shiqa & kamalina was too friendly lah. hahahahha.) but it was fun fun fun.

meet alexander & his big brother. hehehe adorableeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. most of the time i dont understand what he said but his brother has this nice english slang. heh heh.

alright im damn tired already.

2008-12-30T20:30:00.000-08:00

its finally today! err i mean its finally 3oth todayyyyyyyyyyyy. the day nad had been waiting for. hahaha. wah i feel like ranting everything here but i canttttttttttt. cause this bestfriend is such a kpo lah. she might be reading this right now. heh.

ok you know what? i wanna siapkan everything asap so later i can watch twilight again. heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

im all hyper lahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

my boyfriend dont wanna layan me at msn! ):
nanti org lari ngan edward cullen baru tau.
hahahahahahaha omg thats so funny!

'the more time I spend with you, the more human emotions seem comprehensible to me.'
wah cairrrrrrrrrrrr.

2008-12-28T08:21:00.000-08:00

can you still see the heart of me?

2008-12-26T09:14:00.000-08:00

last minute meet-ups are nice, especially when you get to be the princess and your best friends do as you say. haha.
no lah, because of my less functioning leg, we cant go out and walk around.
so thank you babies for coming over and staying so late that my dad had went out to pick my mum and back and were watching tv pun belum balik-balik.
see finaz, you missed out the funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ):

more gazillion pictures to upload actually.
but i'll do that when i feel less pissed.

now im off to bed to sleep it all off.

2008-12-21T22:43:00.000-08:00

haha check out the hair! we were like 16 back then.
i miss nadddddddddddddd lahh. boohooooooheeeehaw.
cant wait for monday!

btw, im still abit kemarok of edward cullen.

yummy vampire. heh.

2008-12-20T07:37:00.000-08:00

im so tiredddddddd. but it was all worth it for the wedding(:
plus baby luth was so damn adorable lah. he was like mine for the day. hehe.
and yeayness! im watching singapore vs vietnam tomorrow. then my lil sis can do kallang wave alone. hahahahahhaa k inside joke. takpe. byeeeeeeeeee.

2008-12-19T23:59:00.000-08:00

haha cant help it lah. which girl could resist a handsome-face-badboy-looking vampire who can fly around and be there in the nick of time?
oh, and also be a super protective boyfriend that has your back all the time who says 'you are my life now' and 'i'll do whatever it takes to keep you save again'?
which girl tak cair lorrr. then you're living in denial.

so anyways, thank god its the holidays. and i'll be rotting at home on days that im not working unless a miracle happen like money falling from the sky like rain lah. -______-
apparentky, that picture is so degil, it doesnt wanna rotate. k takpe.

yesterday will be my last shopping spree. ok lyn? haha. and shida practically pulled my hands!
'jgn, mel jgn. kau da byk kan!' hahahaha cuteness.

and we bumped into fina & saliza! then excited 2 minute eh. haha 2 minute je.

in a few hours abg yem will be getting married! and i can see all my babies there. heh heh.

FINAZ, NO FAIR YOU BOUGHT CROCS ALREADYYYYYYYYY!!! BOOOO TAK TUNGGU ):

2008-12-19T07:58:00.000-08:00

shitshitshit.
im so dead. im so dead already.
so dead. ahh shit lahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
boohooo.

bestfriend's bday coming & i think im gonna say i wont be around cause i have europe trip with school. hehehehe sorry shiqa darling.
eh but seriously, i wish i wont have to be around & really on that europe trip ):

shit lah die.

2008-12-15T23:12:00.000-08:00

Some days I'm a super bitch
Up to my old tricks
But it won't last forever,

Next day I'm your super girl
Out to save the world
And it keeps gettin' better.

thank you for tolerating and layan-ing my random mood swings the whole day today.
you know i love you a whole lot for that(:

on a different note, i dont like this sudden-appearance-coming-back thing. its very disturbing.
so can you(s) kindly make your exits pls. you dont want me to say that straight in your face, do you? it wont be very nice.

im gonna end my pissy day with a nice sleep(or at least i try to).
& be a supergirl to my batman tomorrow.
heh.

2008-12-15T22:00:00.000-08:00

hi. im back and all fat. haha i ate like 189469864147970 times a day.

AND I'HV WATCH TWILIGHT!!!!
hehehehehe. pahang do rocks lah when it comes to movies & shopping.
ok now i wanna eat(again). haha bye mel helloooooo piglet.

2008-12-11T23:48:00.000-08:00

lab today was like a waste of time. might as well i leave my heavy labcoat at home. it'll also save sri the trouble to bring it home later. hehehehe thank you darling. besok-besok aku ambik balik eh. heh.

yalah i dont wanna bring my labcoat to pahang. enough that i have to bring this laptop along. school's ending soon and after this im leaving alreadyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. boohoo so tired. and im hungry lahh. ):

its gonna be a looooooooonggggg ride and i dont know how my father can bear with that. he's gonna buy lots of food to stand by him cause his 3 angels are all gonna sleep. heh heh.

we are like resident toilet. wahlau sedih giler eh. haha.
and im not watching kuntilanak anymore pls! i scare myself for no reason and now im scared of toilets.
-_________-

i wonder what they have in pahang and im gonna find out soon! heh.
it doesnt make a difference whether im on holiday or not right? cause i seldom update anyways.
hahahahaha bye babies!

2008-12-08T07:09:00.000-08:00

blame shida for making me do that in the toilet.
wait, there's more actually. hahahhaa.
so tomorrow we'll continue kuntilanak 2 during break ok? heh heh.
then i'll scare myself when i go home alone at night but its ok, tomorrow i have batman!
hehe.

im excited lah for the holidaysssssss. i have 2 schooling days left. tomorrow and thursday.
then friday i'll already be on the move to pahang, though im not really excited bout that.
but i do need a getaway anyways.
alriteys i wanna go to bed. besok skola!
hahahahaha semangat pe.

and to the best friends & everyone else having term tests/exams,
good luck babies!

2008-12-08T02:50:00.000-08:00

where do i go now??

selamat hari raya aidiladha to all.

2008-12-04T01:23:00.000-08:00

of all days i ended up sick on a thursday! boohooooo ):

but at least im spending the wholeeeeee day at home. and thats quite rare for a busybee like me.
hahaha. so little time, so much to do huh?
but why thursday! haha you know i love thursdays.

so i had movie marathon since morning with my sister and i feel so kental cause i'hv been missing out on alot of gooooooooooood movies. but thanks to daddy for buying the dvds and i got to catch up. weehee.
i'hv been a potato couch the whole morning, evening and prolly night too.
and the best thing is i'hv lost my appetite or i'll be eating like a pig. :D:D

and that was yesterday where i had 3 hours of shitload shopping at john little's sale.
sales are like satans in disguise mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
but my pay will be rolling in, in a few days and then i wont touch it. i try k i try.
the queue took 831884927914 years and i was all pissy in the end, till i din wanna layan my bestfriend. haha.
and then boyfriend became victim too.
haha sorry lah lovessssssss.

pssst, finaz gaji finaz! :D:D:D:D:D

2008-11-28T06:18:00.000-08:00

im so tireddddddddddddddd.
and well, if i din cancel on my bestfriends, i'll still be out.
im sorry, babies.
boohoooooooooo ):

and that's shawn at the back. people stayed in class to do RJ, he stayed to play game -_____-

yesterday was a thursday. and my thursdays are always funnnn.
but yesterday was a lil bit different. cause we finally celebrated a special someone's 20th.
(heeee 20 mesti repeat k)

it was so kecoh. me & ana tried to make it a surprise but we failed like 2 gundubrains.
hahahahahaha but its ok lahhhh.

we also tried to take jump shots but hahahaha, failed.
heh heh.

hahahahhhahaha shuddup. aku kental k bye.
sri also kental because she took a long time to realise that everyone else were wearing black.
hehehehe.

and then the night was spent with loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
:D:D:D:D

//edit
k syabas tagboard da giler, getting on my nerves already.
so replies here k?

finaz- hehe ok thank you, jambu.

cherlyene (: - yes i miss you toooooooooo. funny thing you're staying woodlands and have'nt bumped into each other. ok meet up soon alrights? (:

Aiina- oh wow you're stalking me too? -___-

2008-11-25T17:41:00.000-08:00

met them favourite grrrrls yesterday and it was so impromptu. heh.
i had a goooooooooood laugh watching them speak french. hahahaha.
satu-satu semangat giler pls! i couldnt be bothered with it, i dont have the patience lah to learn french.
but spanish i'll sanggup, because spanish is sexy. *kening naik-naik*
then i can go spain and communicate with them boys better.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH bye mel.

today i had lunch with the bestfriend! its been soooooooo long since i had that.
and especially at itas. :D:D
but it was only for awhile cause this lazybum here had overdue projects/homeworks to do.
tsk tsk. heh.

and then finaz ended school(:
after that we had a 45 mins walk with my 3 kg laptop in my hand and a labcoat in my bag. oh wait, plus battery as well.
-_____-
we do that everyday and we'll lose 10kg. hahahaha bedek.
padahal makan je lebih nie finaz. abe tak nak tolong orang angkat laptooooooop. ):
muahahahaha.

: happy 4th, no.1 (!!!)
and i miss you. ):

2008-11-20T06:18:00.000-08:00

hello hi. haha.
i din expect myself to be here but since i wanted to give a shoutout to sri so might as well i'll post abit. heh.

and so....
HAPPY 20TH TO SRI BABY!

20 eyy no more being a teenager k kak sri. muahahahahaha!
but must be abit careful k, dont be too kinky. heh heh.
omg 20. old already lah! :D

my thursdays are always fun because i'll be in the same group with sri & faiz. and these 2 gundubrains makes chemistry class more alive. hahahahaha.
but today birthday girl was feeling-feeling jiwang with lagu permaisuri. haha.
random k. but she was all pretty and dressed up for a big big feast. hehe.
and me? i fell asleep 1/2 hour to 3rd meeting. -______-

hello babies that makes school cool.
hahahahaha(:

and since i got tagged by a few people, i think i might do it.
it looks fun anyways.

1*
if you ask me which part of the body i love most. i'll say my hair. because my hair is very precious. and i cover my fringe when its windy or raining. heh heh.

2*
i contradict myself sometimes.

3*
i brush my teeth to stop eating.

4*
i wonder alot. thus, i have so many questions floating in my tiny brain.

5*
im bipolar. on most unhappy days especially.

6*
when paranoia hits me, its very very bad.

7*
i can cry of boredom in buses/mrt without my mp3 and earpiece. yalah sometimes im damn belo lah bring mp3 but forget earpiece.

8*
i am very random and i talk crap 3/4 of the time.

9*
even with everything going on now, i know im still one lucky girl.

10*
life taught me to grow up and i finally did!

ok 3 cheers for mel! hahaha. -____-
and i bet most bloggers had done this anyways so i wont bother tagging.

eh! i just realised sri turned 20 on the 20th! hahahahahaha. cuteness.
next month its december and next next month its 2009 already!
so fast. so fast.
maybe its a good thing?
the next thing i know i'll be turning 20 too. heeeeeeeee.

alrightys babies. i'll be back again when i get hold of all the things around me.
for now, im already getting the hang of it. :D:D

sayonara. sayonara.
(the super majidee show is kinda addictive dont you think?)

: batman.batman.batman
my batman((:

2008-11-15T20:30:00.000-08:00

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
-- Alfred D. Souza

rainy days.
suit the weather nowadays, does it?
and i'll be back when i feel like coming back.
1 less blog for you people to read. for now, at least.

2008-11-13T18:43:00.000-08:00

all hail princess mel.
omg princess your head. mel is not a princess anymore because she has no time to be one.
work school work school work school.
but too bad, she cant complain.

i was all pumped up to blog and post kamalina's birthday surprise so overdue pictures,
but pms have to take over me in just 5 secs.
syabas.

and today was rihanna's concert and where was i?
HOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
tsk tsk. i have to be broke for all the wrong reasons.
-_________-

but then again, it cant beat my pms yesterday. it was the worst i ever had, i swear!
till i got soooooooo tired of doing everything, i caught a fever.
syabas. thumbs up. -_____-

and then batman came to save the day! :D:D:D
heh heh.

: where's batman now? ):

2008-11-13T11:35:00.000-08:00

and so we had an issue with nose digging.

then faiz when, 'next time tell her go dig her ass..'
and sri, my dear sri had to add 'then smell it.'

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!!
-__________________-

so now you know what type of classmates i have.

hahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahaaaa.
who has pop ups???

2008-11-10T08:11:00.000-08:00

do you ever wonder if the world would be a better place if people do not stereotype, or just bother about themselves, maybe for the sake of the heart?

or is this, all of this, just life that we have to swallow, even though it lingers at your throat?

2008-11-08T20:40:00.000-08:00

i wanna spend my nights and days between your arms. everyday breathing your love.
i wanna have that crazy love, want it running in my blood.
everyday breathing your loveeeeeeeeeeee.

haha. sangkut with the song already.
damnit lah darin hot hot heat. sighs.
hahahahahahaha

its a sunday and my whole family's out to jb, leaving me because why?
because i have work later at 2:30pm. booooooooooo.
its 1:22 now and im feeling lazy. how?
and to think of it, i wont have my rest day cause i'll be working on my non-schooling days/off days. so everyday im out for either school or work. school, work, school, work, school, work.
boohoohoo. thank god im done with PP with a big PASSED. heh heh :D:D:D:D

but its ok though, $$$ will be coming in and im losing weight like yeeeay!
then i can be prettier and sexier than my boyfriend. hahahahaha.

for now, im traumatised just looking at the amount in my bank ):

2008-11-03T20:38:00.000-08:00

there was a little girl, carefree, young and pampered.
as she grew she began to think that life was all about her.

she reached a certain age where she feels she's old enough, to take the lead and live by her own rules.
she knows life has its bumps and things arent always perfect but she expect it to be,
only in her way.
little did she know what she's doing will bring her down.

she prayed for all the wonderful things given to her.
and like an answer, it did.
she was happy with everything and everyone around her.
they gave her all the attention she crave for, everything she ever wanted.
till it came to a point she became complacent and it turned into a tradition.
and if she lack any of it, she'll show her unhappiness and make sure they know it.

and then the most beautiful thing happened to complete her desires.
it made her happier, lifting her off the ground thinking bout her fairy tale story and happy ending.
she felt lucky and blessed, making her a better person.

but slowly, things started to change. things werent as pretty anymore.
money became a major issue, ties were broken and emotions became haywire.

it wasnt all easy. because her attitude continues, blaming others all the time, never wanna give in.
she had been living in denial even though she knew she could change it but she din want to, because she was too stubborn and sometimes, fear.
after much pain, she realised she shouldnt be that little girl anymore and that its time to grow up.
it took time and courage. she had the best support as well, the strength behind it all.
and when she finally did, things became so pretty till she began to fully appreciate everything she never saw.
the happiness she felt, it couldnt compare to anything else.

until one day, the little girl she thought was dead & gone came to haunt her.
the attitude came back and she did the most stupidest thing, breaking something so fragile and vulnerable.
she din even realise it till it hit her, hard.

however, it was a day late. and by then, it had already cause pain.
she look upon herself regretting every single moment of it and the pain continues to grow when she felt like she's losing something so precious in her life, the strength that keeps her going.
but she's not giving up on it. she'll fight for it as much as she can to get it back, where it was suppose to be.

because she's not that little girl anymore.
she wants to prove to the world she made it, who she'hv become.
she wants to show that without sufferings that's no compassion,
without suffering and so much pain there's no way she'll be who she is now.
and she hopes the world do not turn its back on her,
she hopes the world understands that and accept her again, even though she made a big mistake, a mistake she regret.
she hopes the world is able to see that she appreciate and devote herself to all the beautiful things given to her.
most importantly, she wants the world to know she's not turning back.
its all about going forward and making room for improvements, doesnt it?

and i'll continue to pray for her, for everything she lives for.

2008-11-02T08:24:00.000-08:00

There, there, dear
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t lose your head
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

//edit

2008-11-02T00:16:00.000-07:00

whats an open house with everything ready but guests not arriving, unpredictable rain and a sad, tired me??

i'hv got nothing to do now and my hp is so damn quiet ):

):

2008-10-29T00:29:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NUR KAMALINA MAZLAN (!!!)
we're both 18 nowwww. and i could still remember back when we were kids, going holidays together and then we ended up in the same secondary school and then the same class. heh heh.
may you be blessed with happiness and wealth, sweets(:

and i hope to see you this sunday ok?

much love(:

2008-10-28T09:01:00.000-07:00

im so tireddddddddd. and i cant believe tomorrow's wednesday. err its today already. haha.
the middle of the week? so fassssssssssst. and i havent had my rest yet. i predict i'll go on this 1 week holiday without the rest i planned to have ):
its so packed i can hardly breathe. i guess its only after PP is done then everything ends. damn you PP. seriously.

and i have yet to print it out. the nyonya so confident say can print then in the end, she din know. watse my time only. pfffts. im gonna get it all done by tomorrow.

i got a job alreadyyyyyyyyyy! *kening joget-joget*
hahahaa. we'll not be working together though, but its ok we got a jobbbbbbbbbbb. like finally.
now i can get the pretty dresses, tops, skirts, jeans when i see them without feeling ): all the way home. hehehehe finaz too! *winkswinks.

lyn couldnt come over and watch high school musical 3 with meeeeeeee. then can sleepover skali eh. heh heh. but dont worry lyn, i din really watch it. i was concentrating on my ayam, eating like a hungry piglet and watched about 2 mins after that and got bored and off it. haaaaaaa.

i miss my bestfriend ): ): ): ): ):

and im still waiting for a call that will only come 3-4 hours from now?
he's prolly all sweaty, running around to get the ball or maybe guarding the goal post.
heh.
4 packs maintain k. hahahahhahahahahehehehhehehe. :D:D:D

and to the rest of you, gooooooooooooodnight.

2008-10-25T10:14:00.000-07:00

(:(:(:(:(:

2008-10-24T04:16:00.000-07:00

my stomach hurts. i dont know if its the cold pizza i had or laughing too much.
im sensing both. hahahaha.

i only managed to blog till here just now at civic cause love came to pick me up(:
and now im at home, still sleepy. haha yes, i just woke up. like daily routine lor, go home after school and sleeeeeeeeep.
someone has ps3 now sehhh. i wanna pinjam for 2 days pun cannot. heh heh.
must still layan me k? of course lah! you have to what. hehehehehe.

my PP is still hanging like damn you i hate you pls. hahahaha. annoying lahhh.
sri siang-siang da cabot pegi shopping. so it was me and shida. and by now, we both know we cant be together and get serious. because we'll just end up laughing over the silliest things and making our own jokes till the people were hush-ing us. haha annoying.

im soo lazy to go out but oh wells, its my mother so i have to. hee.
and i hope kamalina's there. so at least we could have a little gossip session.
heh heh.

TODAY'S AVENGED SEVENFOLD'S CONCERT AND ITS LIKE RIGHT NOWWWWW.
BOOOOOOOOOOO. ))))))))))))))))))))):

and you, i miss you already.

2008-10-23T07:16:00.000-07:00

its the 23rd and who turned 22 today?

SHAZ! hahaha.
Happy Birthday ShazzieWazzie(:

the weather's so nice to sleeeeeeeep. hehe.
im chatting with tuty and i swear this girl is c-r-a-z-y. hahahaha. and im talking to finaz as well. and blogging at the same time. cheyyy nak tunjuk multi-task uh tu. haha bye mel.

that eye bags prolly weight 792832047098374 kg each. though i do sleep like a pig, stealing every free time i have for naps. and i'll still be tired -______-

wow i feel loved. after talking to finaz, bestfriend called and right after that was a call from boyfriend. hehehehe im one happy goober :D:D:D

and i'hv been laughing since morning, even before i reached school, all thanks to shida. hahahaha.
then i became a zombie in class till sri and faiz din wanna admit im their friend and constantly said i'hv lose my sanity.
i felt that way too. oh wells, i scare myself sometimes.

ohh im still wandering where that adorable little kitten might be ):
its been raining for 2 nights already. its so cute and small and grey and fragile )))))))):

tomorrow's the last day of schoool! like yeaaaaaaaaay. oh god, i'hv got to finish my PP soon. real soon. sighs PP makes me stress lor. sheeesh.

and a big big, no HUGE congratulations to my baby sister(errr not so baby anymore) for ace-ing the final exams. top 10 seh my sister. wooots! :D

i hope to meet the love again tomorrow(:

2008-10-19T19:05:00.000-07:00

hello monday blues. and hello mood swings.
my endocrine system must be all haywire inside and the signal they're sending are still moving around in my body, though my brain refuse to think about it.
haha. they're responsible for your mood mah. see.. how fun science is.

im tireddddddddddd. both physically & emotionally.
and all i wanna do is sleep the whole day. shit lah, now i cant even sleep without the bitch haunting me.
omg im so vulgar. sorry, im angry lah. go find someone else to haunt plsssssssssssssssss.
why me? why meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? ):
i only had 3 hours of sleep. and i was so excited for the bus ride because i wanna sleep the whole way to woodlands.
but noooooooooooooooo, i couldnt. I COULDNT SLEEP THE WHOLE 1 1/2 HOUR.
and school..... err ok lets not go there.
damnit lah im so cranky.

the girls had started school today and my god, their time table suck. haha.
who has classes till 7pm? hahahahha sorry babies.
and everyone's a busy bee, leaving me a loner.
i gotta find things to do on my own, fast, before i go all emo like yesterday. heh heh.
and i need a jobbbbbbbb because i wanna shop. it cures depression, really.

and im updating in school. -_____-
im having headache and sleepy and the fact that i cant sleep because she kept giving me the look with her screwed up face which scare me half the time, piss the hell out of me.
fine, im a chicken. im my boyfriend's chicken whose patiently there for me and layankan my nonsense. im such a sucker when im all emo i knowwwwwwwwwwww. k peace to batman! (:

melvin's bugging me to take panadol. hahahhaha.
but school's ending sooon so it doesnt matter.

darling, take me home can? -____-

haha k bye.

2008-10-17T01:56:00.000-07:00

i hate this. i hate the whole of this.
and im gonna be stuck in the car for the whole 2-3 hours to KL.
great, just great.

because why?
because i am THE punching bag.

im predicting the car ride will be full of angst.
and i'll make sure i'll let it all go, even if it makes me rude.
i dont give a shit anymore.

2008-10-15T07:08:00.000-07:00

i wanted to do finaz' tag but was too lazy. nyeheh.
more to tired lah actually.

im tired every day. and every morning i go uuuuuuuuuuuurgh and drag myself to school.
because school is school. no excuses. cheyyy -_____-
ohh i cant wait for the holidaysssssssss. but one week only. RP so lokek with holidays.
everyone else had like a month? or more and we only have a week. booooooo to you.
and and and our holidays are always not the same with other schools. boring lor.
6 more schooling days baby! cant wait. cant wait.

i miss lyn. the girl is so busy working. you not tired uh you? haha.
funny thing is you stay only a block away -______- syabas.
and btw, finaz contradicts her tee. heh.
and omg im still paisey k! omg k bye.

sighs i miss ahmad ismail lorrrrrrrr.
damn you reservist. haha i just wanna blame something for the situation and that was the first thing that came to mind.
when can i see youuuuuuuuuu? tsk tsk.
2 more days and done!
but whats the point. im goin KL by then. -____-
stupiggggg. now im angry. so so angry.

k bye im angry.

2008-10-13T08:19:00.000-07:00

something happened in class during presentation today. pasal ape?
pasal SRI TANGAN GATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL !!
hahahahahahahahahahahaha. its was so funny lor. hehe.

my weekends suck. but my friday was nice(:
nice habis eh finaz! hahaha. we had an adventure *kening naik-naik*
cabs are just annoying k. and we were in a middle of some ulu place pls.
omg i still cant believe we did what we did, especially turun bus tu.
nyehahahahaha kekek. k bye lets just wait at the taxi stand if im that tired again.

but then again, it was so last minute plan with my girls.
of course lah happy.
and then the later part of the night was with kamalina.
heh(:

lyn's new streaks is so pretty. jealous lor, mine still boring. hahaha.
i just cant wait for it to grow, which is taking forever. -_____-

ok im exhausted. and again, love's in camp ):
double triple ): can?
k bye.

2008-10-09T06:41:00.000-07:00

its been awhile eyy.
and now with all the drama over and done with, i can take a breather.
in fact, everything's so fine. haha. right -______-

anyways (!!!), i had fun fun fun raya-ing with the babes yesterday.
yes, damn tiring lor. but since i MIA-ed too long, i still went to class though i was shagged and super late.

there you go. haha. its not in order though.
im so tired, my body's aching and my boyfriend's in camp ):

oh wells.
gooooooooooodnight.

hello you, call me quick ):